Artistic Signs & Graphics

Beyonce: Bagging Up Z's Candy- An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

Chief Crazy Captain Christo decided to start the New Year off by not making any resolutions. He decided a long time ago to gather together a super group of female artists to help him bridge the gap between professionalism and just plain crappy entertainment. In this abbreviated version of The Great Pumpkin Letters, Chief Crazy Captain Christo is going where no man has gone before. He is going to hover above Beyonce as an O-Range Blob of Light Fishing Nets. Two O-Range Fishing Nets to be exact. Here is exactly what happened when Chief Crazy Captain Christo accidentally fell on Beyonce. Her name has been changed to Z-GR ( pronounced ZZZeeeeGGGIRRR) because she is married to Jay Z. Chief Crazy Captain Christo's name has been changed to O.W.L. For reasons known only to him. Here it is people ENJOY!

Scene set up, picture two rather clumsy O-Range Fishing Nets collapsing on top of Beyonce who is both startled and mortified.

Z-GR- " What the...?"

O.W.L-" Beyonce, sorry for the intrusion, but I need your help. I am gathering up top notch performers and since I believe you qualify for top notch, will you help out?"

Z-GR-" What? Jesus Frankenstein Jumpin Jahosephat! I must be outta my mind. A talking O-Range Blob of Light Fishing Nets. Get offa me this instant!"

O.W.L. " As you wish. But before I get offa you, I would like to offa you a golden opportunity Beyonce. You see there is a little girl who needs our help. She is crying oh so softly for a chance reunion. That is all I can say at this point. It will take extreme cooperation on everyone's part. At this moment, I am gathering up hot female artists not because I think they are hot. I know they are hot! Smokin hot! But because I need your help in preventing one little girl's heart from experiencing the final silence of a cold icy end when most people just give up and die."

The moment these words had floated away from the icy cold O-Range Blob of Light Fishing Nets, he appeared before Beyonce. Standing in front of Beyonce for the first time in all his GLORY, the Good Chief Crazy Captain Christo extended an arm of friendship and asked her once again.

O.W.L. " I would get down on bended knee but that would be an insult to your husband Jay Z. So instead I stand before you in all my O-Range Glory to ask you to help me perform a child's story. About a little girl whom we all have seen before. But this time I'm asking for your time and a little more. Let's build a Theatrical Tree House one that welcomes all. If you can hear me Beyonce will you help me plan The Ball. I promise to show up and help in any way. But I need you Beyonce my time is slipping away. I've been here long enough but soon I will be gone. Will you help me pull this off, come on stage and together we'll sing a song. With Seventy Nine Suite Ladies and one O-Range Blob of Light. We'll sing a song so beautiful, one that turns the day into a stronger light. I will end this little version of The Great Pumpkin Letters like this, If you answer yes Beyonce then give my cheek a kiss. That will be a sign that you will come on board, sorry for falling on you with fish nets, but it was all I could afford."

With rivers of tears falling off of Chief Crazy Captain Christo's face and on to his electric Dimebag Razorback Explosion guitar, he stood there waiting for either a slap in the face or a belly laugh and a " Hell no!' from Beyonce. But that didn't happen. Instead, he opened his eyes and could not believe it. Beyonce ran off stage crying hysterically but not for long. She brought her husband Jay Z back on stage with her. But Jay Z stopped short. About ten feet short of Chief Crazy Captain Christo. Something pulled him back but Beyonce kept coming. She planted a kiss on Chief Crazy Captain Christo's cheek and the transformation began. Out of New York they flew till they were perched on a hill near Omaha Nebraska. But Jay Z was missing. Beyonce inquired where her husband was. Chief Crazy Captain Christo explained to Beyonce that during the transformation, Jay Z called the Great Pumpkin a jerk so now Jay Z is stuck in Jer Z with Chief Crazy Captain Christo's crazy Aunt named Jemima Pancakenstein. This has been another abbreviated installment of The Great Pumpkin Letters. Stay Tuned America!

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